Love yourself, modifying your lifestyle.
Karla, 30, Canadian, married.
Happiness is a Choice.
I love to travel. I got my first real taste of it when I was 19 and went to Thailand with a group of friends. I could not believe how, halfway across the world, in a culture very different from my own, people were also just trying to live their (best) lives. Their daily concerns were the same as ours – eating, drinking, visiting friends, spending time with family and at the end of all that, going to bed for a good night’s sleep and repeating the next day.
This addiction became serious and in the next few years I visited Scandinavia with my grandma, did a French exchange in Montreal, spent a semester in Prague, and after university spent a year working and traveling in Australia. After two weeks of being back at home, I wanted to leave again. I wanted to go back to Europe so, I started looking for jobs in England – I don’t love the city but without speaking another language it’s hard to move to another European country. I told my friend Richelle about my plan, she said “but you hate London!” and told me she has acquaintances in Germany, she would see what she could do. I went over to her place the next weekend – I used to babysit her son when she went to Italian lessons on Saturdays with her husband and daughter, and she told me she had received an email. It was from Björn, a financial planner in Frankfurt who said I could go work for him! I looked at her and said “but it seems too easy?” and she replied, “why can’t it be easy? Does life always have to be difficult?” Little did I know that it would not be until years later that this seemingly no-brainer would become hard.
So, I packed my bags and away I went – a 24 year old woman ready to take on the world! I had a great time. I spent the first year learning German and working part-time for Björn. He and his wife helped me a great deal at the beginning, I was so thankful for them.
After my year was up, I decided I wanted to stay longer so applied for a master degree program – post secondary education is free in Germany, even for foreigners. I got accepted to a program in a town near Frankfurt and spent the next two years there studying. It was there I met (my now husband) Daniel.
Afterwards we moved to the beautiful city of Hamburg for two years. We loved the city but I was not happy at my job. We decided to move to Daniel’s hometown because he has a family company here where we could work. I thought I was ready to settle down – I had found the man of my dreams (cheesy, I know!) and was approaching 30, maybe ready to start a family soon.
We moved there and started working at the company, things seemed great at first but I quickly realised that life was going to be a lot different here. I am a city girl, and living in a small town (30,000 people) was a more difficult adjustment than I could have imagined. I missed our international group of friends in Hamburg; I missed all the different flavours of international restaurants and being able to walk to see a foreign film at one of the handful of independent cinemas near our place.
Aside from that adjustment, working at the company was not as we had imagined it to be. Everyone was watching what we were doing, I did not get along with my boss, did not love the job itself... Worst of all, I had no one to complain to! I had no girlfriend to call up and meet for a glass of wine.
I started to become really homesick, to miss my family and friends in Canada – for the first time since I had moved to Germany, I was seriously thinking about moving back. Thinking, what have I done? But we had plans to get married in May, and I was excited about that. Thinking also it would change something.
The wedding came and went – it was wonderful, and the best part was having friends and family come to Germany for the first time – but nothing much changed. One month later we celebrated a second time in Calgary, then left a beautiful sunny day to arrive to a very quiet house on a rainy, dark day in Germany. I was so sad when I got home. Six years ago when I moved to Germany, my four year old nephew Emmett, my sweet one year old niece Sadie and my newest one month old niece Mila were not yet around. My parents are also getting older; they won’t be around forever (something I also didn’t think about at 24). I felt this heavy weight on my shoulders – for the first time in my life I realised I could not just pack up and go if I got bored. This was it! Luckily I really love Daniel but I was starting to question if love was enough.
Luckily in August I reached a turning point. I went to a yoga festival in Belgium where I had my “aha” moment. I realised that easy move to Germany six years ago was easy at the time but now was hard. There really is no such thing as a free lunch! It became clear to me that I had been suffering because I had been resisting what is instead of accepting it. Like my grandmother used to read to herself everyday:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
I needed to make some changes so that I could be happy in my new life. I realised that happiness is a choice; it is a state of mind. I realised that the main problem was working at the company. I needed space. I needed to do my own thing, meet some people independently from Daniel. I told Daniel and he was supportive. I felt so relieved.
And so I began to make changes in my life, to be happy here. But the biggest change wasn’t quitting working at the company, or deciding to go home more often. It was quite simply a mental shift. This is something that yoga has taught me – that we need to look inside for happiness.
I always thought a place would make me happy – living in Europe, or living in a cool city. That may work for a while. But in the long run, you first have to be happy inside.
